Candyworld: Marathon Results!

“Hooray hooray!”

As you collapse, gasping, here in the sweet heart of Fudge Mountain, you hear that voice, accompanied the fluttering of spun sugar wings. Kandi Kane has returned to greet you, and indeed, she can fly!

“How perfectly perfect, my darling Eyewirer,” she says, helping you to your feet. “You have completed the Fudge Mountain Marathon in 15 hours and 40 minutes! The Gummy Grims and I are all very impressed. And most importantly, you have survived all five of your challenges here in Candyworld! Come with me back to the gates, because at four o’clock Eastern Standard Time on Friday, I shall present to all participants their rewards.”

“But Ms. Kane,” you stammer, following her out of the tunnel you’ve dug, “why do you keep saying ‘survive’? I thought this was a factory, or an amusement park, or whatever! And it was pretty fun! The narrative just keeps giving you a slightly malevolent air…”

Giggling like the chiming of silver bells, Kandi Kane waves away your concerns. “Oh, pish. In this age, no one is going to take my sweetness seriously if they don’t think it’s ironic! Now come along, let’s get you rested up and ready for our closing ceremony.”